Let Me Go Like The River

I grab a stethoscope from the bedroom cupboard, 

I am not a Dr or a nurse or a patient, but I am ill

Hearing the steady beat of my heart will soothe my mind for a while, 

My thoughts that say

You are dying, 

Your chest is tight, 

Like pine needles, your hair will fall out,

You are going blind, 

Your raised blood sugar will take your mind, 

before your body,

Before your eyes 

Who knows what will happen to me, 

or to you,

What the next grey years encompass, 

Like how much rain a cloud can hold, 

How much water a river can take, 

The soil drowning, 

Saturated 

Before its banks break, 

Shouting, 

Over and over 

And finally,

Silently,

Enough