10 Things To Do To Better Support People With Chronic Illnesses
By Anne Gvozdjak
Around the world, approximately one in three people currently live with a chronic illness, and studies suggest that that number is on the rise. To better support your friends, colleagues, or peers who live with chronic illness, here are ten simple but important mindsets to adopt and actions to take.
This one should go without saying but respect their privacy. Your friend informing you that they have a chronic illness does not permit you to tell anyone else about it. Similarly, if someone else has told you about your friend’s chronic illness, don’t confront your friend about it; wait until they feel comfortable coming to you and telling you themselves.
Do not pretend to know better than the person who is living with the chronic illness. Chronic illness comes in many forms, and some of them, including many mental illnesses, are not physically visible. Don’t inform someone that they must not be in pain because they look alright. Moreover, don’t insert yourself into someone’s private medical information to give advice—your knowledge likely only scratches the surface of the conversations they’ve had with other professionals.
Recognize that all chronic illnesses are serious medical conditions. In our interview with Jennifer Rollin, an eating disorder therapist, she discussed the necessity for people to “view eating disorders as the deadly and serious mental illness that they are with underlying roots—rather than as a ‘superficial illness’ [from] someone who simply wants to ‘look a certain way.’” The same applies to any other chronic illness: the illnesses are not simply psychological or caused by a couple of imperfect lifestyle habits.
Similarly, don’t invalidate what someone with a chronic illness says or feels, especially through toxic positivity or shallow comments about looking better. Maggie Levantovskaya, who lives with lupus and other chronic conditions, specifically calls out how harmful “question[ing] the legitimacy or severity of someone’s illness [with] comments like … ‘Everyone seems to have an autoimmune disease nowadays,’” can be, but toxic positivity is just as harmful. When supporting someone with a chronic illness, give validation and understanding, not shallow encouragement.
Seek to educate yourself more about chronic illnesses in general. This website could be a good starting place, with links to some more common chronic illnesses; alternatively, this list of links curated by PBS includes a wide variety of websites and resources. Remember, one in three adults worldwide, and almost half of America, currently lives with at least one chronic illness. Furthermore, if someone you know has a chronic illness, take some time to research it specifically.
Ask how you can help someone with a chronic illness, and then listen to what they have to say. Being proactively supportive and inclusive does not equate to constant offerings of unsolicited advice: respect the person’s own journey with chronic illnesses, and make sure that your actions are actually helping them in the best way possible.
Call it out when you see a harmful stereotype, slur, or depiction of those who live with chronic illnesses. This ranges from coworkers’ rude commentary to big-budget films like the 1985 film The Goonies: educate your coworkers about the harm their words convey and post online about media that’s being published to raise awareness. People with chronic illnesses are not solely responsible for advocating for their own proper representation.
Be flexible with the plans or activities you organize. Chronic illness can “come and go or flare up at certain times,” and certain environments may not always be best suited to someone with a chronic condition. For instance, planning a late-afternoon trip to a fast-food restaurant may make someone living with diabetes uncomfortable. Always communicate and practice compassion.
Appreciate that living with a chronic illness does not make someone less human, reduce the excitement of their own experiences, or diminish the dreams they want to achieve. Elizabeth Tikoyan, who lives with Lyme Disease, describes how people with chronic illnesses are “just like you. We all want to self-actualize, travel the world, find the love of our lives, spend time with friends, go to parties, contribute meaningfully to the world, etc.”
Finally, be willing to learn from your mistakes and change your behavior—just as you should with any other mistake you may make in life. Don’t become defensive and attempt to justify your own behavior if someone calls you out on it; rather, be willing to honestly apologize.